at its best
consists of expandable vignettes
contingent on variable attention spans
and age appropriate material
rendering
all performances uniquely improv
The everchanging demographic of
participants around the piano-bar
dictates the flow of humorous anecdotes
from
Winko Ljizz, the OneManBand storyteller.
The following is a brief alphabetical list of
typical tall tales and cast of characters
which may (or may not) manifest
in the Acoustic Sanctuary.
A Pirate’s Peril
How the pirate got his
peg leg, hook and patch
Be careful what you wish for
All American Girl
Original song about an exotic dancer
(Rated PG)
Another Night in the City
Original song about the street life of
a bum, a hooker and a dope dealer
Where rage is met with a trauma scene
We try to understand
The stage is set for the drama between
Supply and demand
Blues Child Prodigy
A group singalong over 12 bar blues
reminiscing greatest hits from childhood:
ABCs; Twinkle Little Star; Old McDonald;
Mary Had a Little Lamb; etc
Girl of My Dreams
Original song about a better
kind of sleep apnea
Color My World
An old man recollects being
an adolescent secret admirer
struggling with unrequited love
at a junior high school dance
Dead Cat Blues
A long awaited reunion with
a high school sweetheart
goes horribly wrong
(Rated PG)
Dude Ranch Dilemma
Memories from the 1960s of
a ‘tween-age rite of passage at
a horse riding stable famous for
10 year birthday parties
Earth Is A Game
Original song of how humanity is
just game pieces on a boardgame
played between God and Satan
Satan looks up to me while
God’s looking down on me
Easter Bunny
Planning for breakfast turned into
a Last Supper fiasco
and got blamed on a pet rabbit
Gay Messiah
Heretically humorous account of
how a gender confused son
tries to save the world from
his narcissistic deadbeat dad
(Rated PG)
Gator Caller
An old man brags about glory days as
a Florida champion gator caller
ending with an alligator impersonation
Guitarzan
Classic Ray Stevens cover song
featuring characters:
Tarzan, Jane and Chita
Highwayman
Classic Jimmy Webb song of reincarnation
featuring characters:
a bandit, sailor, builder, and astronaut
Homeless People
Original song about homeless struggles
If the rich have it made,
How come they’re afraid
Staying locked in their homes
While the homeless roam?
How Our Souls Are Blessed
Original song about releasing anxiety
by embracing freedom from desire
Allow power goals to rest.
That’s how our souls are blessed.
Jack, the Clown
A balloon pumps up a twisted clown
(Rated PG)
The Last First Date
A hilarious account of online dating
(Rated PG)
The Last Sunday Drive
1960s family tradition comes to
a screeching halt as dad attempts
to sing like Frank Sinatra to the 8-track
Life
Original song of trials and tribulations
and why they are good for us
Life is a quiz and you’ve got to be psychic
The tougher it is, the better you’ll like it.
Life is an exam on what it takes
It ain’t worth a damn without the mistakes.
Life is a test on how we use our skills
And we use them best mopping up our spills.
My Computer’s Got Hooters
Original song about internet porn
(Rated PG)
Religious Freaks
Original song about perils of religious icons
I think about (Jesus, Buddha or Martin)
How did he know
To be so wise and live to rise above?
It’s been said that as we shed our ego
We gain insight to visualize with love
Rod-n-reel Mad
Original fisherman’s anthem about
eluding a nagging wife
..turning into a dissertation of
how women are like fish
and the best way to compromise
Sacramento Song
Original song about relocating
I was down_ in fact I’ve been low
‘til I was bound_ for Sacramento
Santa Claus Blues
A twisted Christmas Carol about
a drastic change in lifestyle as a bachelor
after Mrs. Claus ran off with the elves
She’s sick and tired of all that snow
Sick and tired of Santa’s “Ho, Ho, Ho”
Schizophrendly Charlie
An old schizophrenic fool
arguing with himself on a cell phone
talking out both sides of his mouth
(disturbingly funny)
Spam
Original song about internet scams
too good to be true ..too true to be good
(Rated PG)
Universe Song
A classic Monte Python song revision
attempting to explain modern physics
designating science as the new religion.
Relativity and Quantum Mechanics
Evolution vs Entropy
Scales of size between micro and macro
Particle entanglement
The universe requires life, because
nothing can exist without an awareness of it